Al's Colorful Revenge
by Tyler Song
Summary: What if Alphonse was a master chef? What if Ed didn't approve? Based off of what happens when I'm bored and I have a pencil in my hand! Warning: There are no pairings! NONE! This is just some stupidly funny stuff!


**This is from my What If thing. Three questions in one story! XD I love this! It was worth writing it out in the sun today (please don't ask why I wrote it outside, 'cause not even I know)! I don't own Full Metal Alchemist (be thankful). Enjoy ****Al's Colorful Revenge****! ^3^**

"Brother, look!" Ed turned to see Alphonse running towards him with a casserole in his oven mitt-covered hands. "Winry taught me how to make another dish, brother!" Al cried happily. "Doesn't it look delicious?" And it did. It was baked 'til it was golden-brown and smelled absolutely _heavenly._ Edward squirmed. "Al? This is, like, the fifteenth dish you've made since you got your body back." Al looked down at his newest creation and back at his older brother. "Yeah? So? Is there something wrong with them?" he asked, his big eyes shining with worry. Ed rubbed the back of his head. "N-No, it's not like that. You're really good at this, it's just . . ." He trailed off. "Maybe you should just lave it to Winry or something."

Al frowned. "But why? I like doing this! It's fun!" he whined. Ed sighed. "I know. But I feel like I don't get to see you any more. You're always in the freaking kitchen! It's starting to become a problem!" The younger boy blinked. "Problem? What problem?" he asked, oblivious. Ed just looked at him. "_You mean to tell me that you're in that kitchen twenty-four seven, and you haven't noticed?_" he shrieked.

"Noticed what?"

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

"No, I'm not! What am I missing?"

"Where do you think all that food goes, Al?"

Alphonse thought for a minute. "Haven't you been giving it to the neighbors?" he asked. Ed was starting to lose his cool. "No, _Al_." he hissed. "They've been piling up in the _kitchen_! And we're running out of ingredients for other things fast!" Alphonse cocked his head to the side. "Granny Pinako hasn't been buying more?" Ed felt a vein throb in his head. And on his clenched fist. "They only make so much money, ya know!" He jabbed at the casserole in his younger brother's hands. "As of now, this is your _last_ dish! No more cooking, ya got it?" he ordered. Al gapped at him. "You can't do that! You're not my dad, you're my brother!" Ed crossed his arms to show authority. "You're right. I'm your _older_ brother! So you'll do as I say!"

His lower lip began to quiver. Tears sprang to his eyes and his hands began to shake. _First, he won't let me keep a cat! _he thought. _Now he's not even gonna let me COOK! _In a childish display, the sixteen year old boy slammed his casserole onto a near-by table, kicked his brother in the shin, and then stormed off to his room. The seventeen year old boy, mean while, was hopping up and down on one foot while clutching his injured leg. "_Al! What was that for?_" he yelled after him. He was answered with the sound of a door slamming. Winry came out of the kitchen, drying her hands off with a dish rag. "I take it you talked to Al about his new 'cooking obsession'?" she asked. Ed put his foot back down. "Yeah," he sighed. "He took it pretty hard." Winry scoffed. "Obviously. It's too bad. I liked cooking with him. He's a good student." she winked. Ed started to grin goofily. "Yeah, I don't doubt it! His food last night was to die for!" he praised, while drooling profusely. Winry gave him a look. "I'm confused. If you liked it, then why'd you make him stop?" she asked. Ed folded his arms again, going back to serious brother mode. "He needs to know that there's more to life than cooking. A man's place is out in the real world, helping other people—" "Oh, so only _women_ belong in the kitchen?" Ed gulped. Audibly. He knew he said something stupid. Winry had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "N-No, no! I-I didn't mean it like that, it's just—" "So women don't need help in the kitchen? Is that it?" she snapped, cutting him off again. Ed shook his head- and hands- furiously back and forth. "N-No! That is, I mean, I just, he needs to, there's more to," he stammered like a bumbling idiot for quite a while before Winry slapped him clear across the face with her dish rag. Some how, she knows just how to get the whip-lash in there to make it hurt three times more than usual. She sniffed and stormed back into the kitchen. Edward rubbed his throbbing cheek. _Oh, well,_ he thought. _At least it can't get any worse._ But, oh, how wrong he was.

That night, as Ed lay sleeping, Alphonse sneaked into his room with a large tub of water. "You think you can ban me from something I enjoy?" he whispered. "Well, we'll just see about that." He silently chuckled manically. "Oh, we shall see . . ."

The next morning, Edward woke up with a stretch and a yawn. He felt great! He had the best night's sleep he'd gotten in what felt like _years_. His un-braided hair tickled the middle of his back. He got out of bed and made his way to the door. As he passed by his mirror, he spotted something very colorful. Ed stopped dead in his tracks. When he backed up to see what it was, he was horrified. Someone had alchemically dyed his hair every color in the freaking rainbow! Down stairs, Al smirked to himself as he heard his older brother scream from up stairs. "_ALPHONSE_!"

**The moral of the story: Don't mess with the quiet ones! XD I hated making Ed be a jerk to Al, but that was the only way I could make the ending work. Like I said, this came from my "What If" bit. If you wanna read it, then I should warn you that there are 97 more questions like that. I'm not kidding. I was **_**extremely**_** bored that day. P.S. The three questions were: 1) What if Alphonse was a master chef? 2) What if Ed didn't approve? 3) What if Al alchemically dyed Ed's hair rainbow-colored? If you wanna, go check the rest of them out! They're all pretty much along the same lines as this! Please feel free to review! ^3^ Ciao for now!**


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